verbal boundaries: PART TWO

here’s a list of phrases to use in your relationships when you are wanting to address these sorts of scenarios (mentioned in yesterday's blog). some of these scenarios are extreme, i hope you never encounter them.  unfortunately, i have counseled those who have. some phrases are repetitious but it helps you - the boundary setter - to hear/read the same things said in different ways.  it also helps the recipient of your boundary message to hear things said in different ways....HOW you say what you say makes a world of difference. work on being gentle in spirit, not sarcastic, but firm.  boundaries aren't to be lorded over someone's head so-to-speak. use discretion. it bears repeating what i said y'day:  i recommend all the books on boundaires by drs. cloud and townsend, there's a whole series.

1. I know you love me, but what you’re saying doesn’t feel like love.
2. I know you love me, but the questions you’re asking me don’t feel like love.
3. Please don’t ask any more about that.
4. I don't appreciate what you've just said.  Please don't ever say that to me again.
5. I'm not comfortable sharing that.
6. You might be right.
7. You might be right, but I don't want you to say that to me any more.
8. I'm not comfortable going into that. 
9. My decision on that (whatever-it-is) is final.
10. I don’t want to discuss it any further.
11. I didn’t ask for your input.  Right now I just want you to listen.  That’s what’s helpful to me right now.
12. No, please don’t go further into it.  I’m not ready to hear your thoughts about that.
13. No, please just stop.
14. Okay, since you’re not stopping, I’m getting off the phone, leaving the room (depending upon your situation).
15. What you just said hurts me.  Please stop that line of talk.
16. What you just said offends me. Please don’t say that again.
17. It is not acceptable to call me names.
18. I didn’t say you’re responsible for my feelings, I just asked you to not say that to me.
19. The words you are using are unacceptable to me.  If you don’t stop, I’m getting off the phone.
20. If you don’t stop, I’m leaving the room.
21. If I leave the room and you follow, I will lock my door.
22. If I feel threatened by you, I will call the police.
23. I don’t want to talk about it.
24. Thank you for your concern.
25. I wasn’t asking for feedback.  I just want you to listen to me right now.
26. You can do what you want to about that, I’m just telling you what I’m going to do.
27. I love you.  This is not about my not loving you.  I’m trying to take care of myself.
28. No.
29. No is a complete sentence.
30. Your behavior is unacceptable to me.
31. Your words are unacceptable to me.
32. That is unacceptable to me.

HBF/07