oh how vainly i struggle and resist being still!! how much like martha am i in the doing and going about this house. how i long to long to be more like mary who desired the greater thing. i need to look up the passage and see what it says. my year verse taped up throughout the spots in the house where i can see them gently speaks: be still and know that i am God, psalm 46:10. i want literal stillness this year, the practice of it, the discipline of it. oh what do i avoid? why do i avoid this? help me oh Father. i can only "be still" by your power for i am powerless to do it. oh i can be still with a good novel, a good movie, a tv show. a client i'm listening to but to be sitting with You? oy vay. i cannot in my own strength even begin to try! because? i don't want to. it is going against my FLESH. ah, there's the truth of it.
april 30, 2007
coffee, prayer. Your Word...FIRST! a miracle because You know my divided heart. my grace-heart wanted to go straight to my novel to finish it and yet - You drew me. You drew me. You empowered me to put You first. seek FIRST the Kingdom of Heaven and all else will be added to me!!! please forgive the struggle even as your child of 40 years (since my "walk" down the aisle at 10) to put You first. i used to be so religious, legalistic and batter myself into the QT every day asap as if it was a law and because i couldn't do it i felt so guilty ALL the time. so then i swung over it seems years later to too much freedom in your grace and love and became undisciplined and loosie-goosie. now Father my desire is a balanced mind - a sound mind, not one of fear but power, love and a sound mind! not (necessarily) sinning all the more that grace should abound, as Paul says, but because of grace, in and by and through grace and only in Your power with the knowledge that it is NOT a law i am bound by - i choose and You empower me to be disciplined and put You first, seek You first as often as I can in this discipline of
praise
prayer
the Word and
being still!!!
oh what a goal!
oh what hope there is in You!
i love You God! amen.
NOTE re: the marys and marthas in this life
i remember looking up the passage on mary and martha and being so relieved and quite thrilled actually that scripture says Jesus loved martha! i always had the impression that it was mary whom Jesus must've loved MORE because in the Luke 10: 40-42 passage martha was distracted with all her preparations but mary had chosen the good part of sitting at Jesus feet. but john 11:5 says this: now Jesus loved martha and her sister and lazarus!!!! i was thrilled to find out that Jesus loves the marthas as well as the marys of this world!
1 comment:
The story of Mary and Martha is the passage that God used in my life for salvation.
Now there's a big clue as to which one *I* am!
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