coming out of the closet with h.s. church

here's the letter i wrote for del to read in sunday school, in my absence, one morning back when he was the pastor of the church in hot springs.  i received kind notes and words of encouragement afterwards and NO ONE that i know of was judgmental at all.  

sharing our burdens yields blessings and allows the body to weep with us and then rejoice with us. it also invites them to be more transparent with their stories.  very biblical. scary to do, but fruitful and worth the risk.

Dear Christian Family:                                                   March 5, 2000

I’ve wanted to tell you this about me for a long, long time but it takes lots of trust in the Lord and in you to do so. And I’m a scare-d-cat! You’re probably shocked at this since I ramble on about just about everything else! 

I’m not here today because my physician is changing me over from a medication that I’ve been on for over 2 years to a new one. I have recurrent depression and have had throughout my lifetime, but have been treated with medication for the last 12 years.  Depression runs in my family – on both my parents’ sides.

Please pray for me that the doctor will know what to do next, as this medication I’ve been trying for two weeks does not seem to be helping. Indeed, it’s making matters worse.

I am a counselor of those who struggle with what we call “mental illness” and constantly teach about the chemical imbalance part of this illness. Yet I’ve been unwilling to admit to the church body that I struggle with depression and anxiety myself.  There’s an unwritten “code of silence” regarding this illness, even in the church.  It’s not that I haven’t told anyone. There are plenty in my family and friends who’ve known all along, but as far as telling the churches we’ve been a part of…I’ve always been hesitant to do this.

There is such a looming stigma of shame that is associated with depression, mostly because lack of understanding about the illness.  It’s not like diabetes – no one would dare tell someone not to take insulin for this problem.  Yet for depressive illnesses, attitudes abound like “you don’t need medicine for this”, “you have a spiritual problem”, etc.

I know that there are others near and dear to us who struggle with this difficult illness and maybe I can be a part of breaking the silence about it. It’s an awful thing to struggle with a depressive illness BUT then not feel free to be open about it, request prayer, gain understanding from others, etc. is a further burden.

I would so covet your prayers for me! Please pray for Del and the kids, as well, since they suffer with me!  I’ll be glad to talk to any of you who’ve suffered this illness along with me or any of you who want to understand more about it. Thank you.                  Hazel